Issues I have when he Leaves on Tour

Errrr.....this lovong my Musician boyfriend can be really Hard. I love my boo so much but sometimes the "Freeness" and "Traveling" is really really hard to deal with. I mean Im a very strong woman or at least I Aspire to be but when it comes to my Man I become needy and its only when he Leaves or when I feel like hes Ignoring me....Now the problem of course is not me..>Right!!...Wrong the problem is that I cant sometimes understand how to not be the center of his attention...Its like the center of his Attention is Himself and Music and then Im next....and he has always told me that this is the way it is and that his love for me will always be different and Special but Im a regular girl trying to Understand my Musician Boyfriend and for some reason I dont know Y I cant get it through my Thick Skull that my boyfriend loves me and that I need to chill and let him be....ANd I should cuz hes amazing he treats me with Respect, I can do whatever I want when I want too, Im allowed to be as free as I need to be and hes very understanding and Supportive of my Career and Dreams and hes sympathectic and understands my need to be with family.... but some how some way I think of ways to mess it up...idk Y...I think sometimes I have in my head this idea of how i want him to be and its Obviously Impossible to have him do all that I ask, and I know deeply that I dont want anything nor anyone Else cuz he is Perfect in every since except for the One or two things ...and those 2 things makes my Heart beat Extra fast and set my SOul on Fire All at the same time...Im thinking that Must be LOVE....cuz no other guy can make me this Crazy......I mean no words can explain the IdeaL or Perfect Guy...but Im sure my dude is Pretty close to it....To go back to the In love with a Musician and what Ignites me...by boo...he needs to Feel Free at all the times I.E. he cant stand Nagging or Complaining ...now who wants to nag and complain all the time and No one wants to be on the other end Recieving this shit but Instead of me Biting my tounge 90 Percent of the the time I got something to say and that Annoys my boo to the point where he has threatened to break up with me and thats Scary cuz I love him so much but I cant Stand to be Ignored and Although I know he isnt doing this Intentionally...i just cant help Myself and I have to let him know...like Yo I feel like ur ignoring me and I need attention Right NOW!!...THATS ME, iM THAT gurl who is Very Demanding of attention, what will I do, How can I change, what can my boo do to make me not feel that way, Idk I Deeply feel that I can change and I feel like I need to change for the greater of Our Relationship and I think for the last year I have made a huge Effort to change but Today my Boo is Leaving to go on Tour and I feel like I need the most Attention...not the Least the most ...In my mind It should be like this....Focus Focus Focus needs to be on me and his family up until the time he leaves whether this means me helping him pack or just relaxing Together...I dont care what we do but I need to have ur full attention cuz Im not gonna have ur Attention when ur on the Road there is just no way that is possible....So No video games, no chatting with friends for long periods of time while in my Presence if he really needs to do this then thats Fine just Minimize it for me....But no thats not the way he Rolls and Maybe its not cool that I assume he should do things in my order...Idk maybe he feels the same way I do maybe he wants to spend these last few hours with me as well but he still wants to do his own thing as well and he will do whatever he wants and Chooses to do cuz he is a Grown ass Man...but shit I know that but I also know that ur gonna leave me soon and I have an Issue with u not Choosing ur time with me Wisely...there I said it ...but Of course I did not say that to him I Threw a Fit...can You believe it a Grown Ass Woman threw a fit, I packed up my Shit and Stormed out the Door in hopes that my Boo will chase me and Say Baby come back....but NOPE...By Boo was like Dueces can u believe him I cant believe he had the Nerves to Let me walk out that Door.....Of course I aint Goin no Where Cuz Im wrong.... I cant expect him to read my mind He doesnt work that way...I cant expect him to react to my Stupidity and Stubborness ...Nope he Definitely doesnt go for that shit.....and now we are sitting here not talking to each other cuz of my Stubbornness and Misunderstanding lead to us not talking....mind u we just came from dinner we have spent every Nite together for the last Two weeks and here I am Acting a Fool....I have friends who wish there Boos was out working and taking care of Business and here I am Throwing a fit cuz my boo is out there Making his dreams come true and working ot make our Future happen....Man if I could have that on Auto Play everytime I think about Throwing a Fit cuz my boo is out there working hard for Our Future I would Probably wanna Slap myself....anyways Imma try and applogize for my Bad Behavior and Hope that my boo will Understand that I know I was out of line and Im truly Happy and Proud of him and Imma work on my ISSUES......Just had to vent...Venting is what I do best

HOW MUCH LOVE IS TOO MUCH LOVE.....

HOW MUCH LOVE IS TOO MUCH...WHEN IS LOVING SOMEONE SO MUCH TOO MUCH.....

IM HAVING A PROBLEM WITH THIS I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND VERY VERY DEEPLY...I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE THE ONE TO BE SO CRAZY IN LOVE ABOUT ANY BODY....I HAVE HAD MANY FRIENDS WHO HAVE FOUND THESE KIND OF BOYFRIENDS IN WHICH THEY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME WITH AND CANT STAND TO BE WITHOUT THEM AND IN MANY CASES OUR FRIENDSHIPS HAVE SUFFERED FROM THIS CAUSE....SO I VOWED TO MYSELF TO NEVER ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN AND I NEVER WANNA BE IN A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT AND I HAVE GREAT MAN IN MY LIFE WHO RESPECTS THAT AND ALLOWS ME TO HAVE THE FREEDOM TO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO BUT...I BEING NEW TO THIS LOVE GAME ALLOWED MY SELFISHNESS TO GET THE BEST OF ME AND STARTED DOING THE THING I VOWED NOT TO DO....I STARTED TO STOP CALLING MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND CANCELING DATES AND OUTINGS....AND GET THIS NOT CUZ MY BOYFRIEND FORCED OR MADE ME DO THESE THINGS....I JUST FORGOT AND STOPPED CARING AS MUCH...AND ON A SIDE NOTE MY BOYFRIEND WAS AWAY IN NEW YORK FOR TWO YEARS AND I MISSED HIM SO MUCH AND WHEN HE CAME BACK I WANTED TO SPEND EVERY MINUTE WITH HIM AND THOSE MINUTES TURNED TO MONTHS AND ALL THE TIME IM NOT GIVING MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY THE ATTENTION THAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN GIVING THEM, THAT THEY DESERVED....I ALLOWED MY SELFISHNESS TAKE CONTROL AND MY BOYFRIEND WAS LIKE YO WE HAD A DEAL THAT WE WOULD NOT PUSH FRIENDS AND FAMILY AWAY JUST CUZ WE WANNA BE WITH EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME....AND IM LIKE I KNOW AND I STILL FAILED....BUT HE ON THE OTHER HAND GAVE HIS FRIENDS TIME AND FAMILY HIS TIME AND THIS MADE ME FURIOUS....CUZ IM LIKE HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO ME HOW CAN HE JUST LEAVE ME FOR HIS FRIENDS AND I DONT DO THAT TO HIM? AND EVERY TIME HE WOULD LEAVE ME I WOULD GET ANGRY AND TALK SHIT AND MAKE HIM FEEL BAD CUZ HE WAS GIVING HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY TIME....BUT IM NOT REALLY MAD AT HIM AS MUCH AS IM MAD AT MYSELF FOR LETTING MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS DOWN AND I HAVE PLEADED MY CASE TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY THAT I WILL DO BETTER BUT THEY DONT WANNA HEAR IT THEY WANNA SEE ACTIONS!!! AND IM STILL WORKING ON THAT BUT I ALSO NEED TO WORK ON NOT MAKING MY LOVE ONE FEEL LIKE SHIT CUZ IM THE ONE DOING STUFF WRONG....AND REALIZED ITS NOT EVEN CUZ I WANNA BE INCLUDED ITS ONLY CUZ IM ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN CUZ I HATED THE WAY I FELT WHEN MY FRIENDS DID THOSE THINGS TO ME AND NOW LOOK AT ME.....SO INSTEAD OF TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WAYS TO MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER I HURT THE MY BOO BY ACCUSING HIM OF NOT LOVING ME ENOUGH AND ALL ALONG I WAS SELFISH AND MEAN....SO ALL IN ALL I APOLOGIZE TO MY BOO, MY FRIENDS YALL KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT AND TO MY SISTERS CUZ I KNOW YALL BE LOW KEY MISSING ME....HAHA AND I KNOW I AINT BEEN RIGHT BY MY COUSINS TO AND YALL KNOW WHO YALL IS...

IN CLOSING I KNOW WHAT REAL LOVE IS NOW AND I KNOW THAT TOO MUCH LOVE IS A FACADE THAT LEADS TO CONTROL AND I DONT BELIEVE A RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE ABOUT CONTROL IT SHOULD BE ABOUT LOVE AND RESPECTING UR PARTNER THE SAME WAY U WANT TO BE LOVED AND RESPECTED